Mid-November, Daybreak
Mountains bow low when the day stands up.
Immediately the sun is at our house
preparing to knock – the maple spreads its arms.
Later, we wake among stilled stars and golden silence.
-
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Translations from the English 
I really like this one, Jeff. Great poem as it stands…knock out a word or two here and there, and you’ll have a haiku for the ages! (Yeah, I go over the top sometimes…but at the very least you would have a darn good haiku!) 🙂
Ron
You may be right, Ron! Sometimes the compression of the haiku form backs my words into a corner–though you handle it so naturally I realize it’s a personal problem. Some day a few months from now or so I will maybe define this invented form I have been working in–I call it “unregulated verse” because it relates to the regulated verse of those classical Chinese poets I admire so much. Though not as regulated, clearly. And it really does have some rules, or maybe more like guidelines, or well, it’s got a name, that’s what it has. Cause, I named it. But yeah, maybe I’ll try to define it better than that. In the meantime, give me the haiku version!
Well, Hecky Durn! Now I gotta put up or shut up! But there’s no way I can compress the 44 syllables of your lovely poem into the doubly redoubtable 5-7-5 form, much less the 11-14 syllables I prefer. But I’ll try! Wish me luck. 🙂
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Thank you–