Mid-Autumn Figures (Moon and Maple)

Mid-Autumn Figures (Moon and Maple)

 

Moon

Stone in the sky
tumbles through centuries

of clouds  smoothing out
absence with its presence

Maple

Just past their peak, wind-lifted
and let go like a child flung off a swing

higher than they have ever been
Meanwhile on the ridge line the trees

link arms and begin the walk home

novembermoon

9 thoughts on “Mid-Autumn Figures (Moon and Maple)

    1. Jeff Schwaner Post author

      You have nailed the secret of my technique…I write a bunch of lines, I trim off all but the last four to eight lines, because that’s how long it took the poem to come out. Maybe for you I should write a series of poems where I just keep the last lines…not kidding, you never know where these ideas will take you…

      Reply
      1. zdunno03

        Okay, go ahead and make fun. You’re entitled, but I don’t mean to say I ONLY like your last lines. It’s just that you have a knack for leaving the reader with a powerful image at the end of a wonderfully lovely poem.

      2. Jeff Schwaner Post author

        Yeah, I appreciate that, Leonard. But it is seriously interesting to me that you really are pointing out a general trend in how I write and revise. I’ve taken to not giving any preference to any particular thing about a poem–why I started to write it in the first place, what it was supposed to be about, that awesome first line that now doesn’t fit, etc.– certainly not enough to laboriously ‘revise’ it to fit some predetermined end — and stopping when the poem itself seems to be ready to stop. You can see how such a method lends itself to the last lines being the most important lines in making that determination — so I think what you have noticed and commented on is an accurate reflection of how important those last lines are in my work. Not really making fun at all! Your comment in fact is a deeper dive than one might think at first.

      3. zdunno03

        Well I guess it really doesn’t matter how we get to the finished poem/prose/song/painting/etc as long as what we get in the final analysis is worth the journey. And your poetry certainly is.

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